TLDR: Ramble about being uncomfortable before a months long interlude in writing. Returning to blog-post to wrap up real fast.

Hi all, if you’re reading this, have a pre-reading thank you. I’ll thank you again at the end if you read that far. No worries if you don’t.

Still new to this, as my previous post alludes too. As such, I’m still trying to get to grips with:
a. Why I feel compelled to do this.
b. If I do do this, what am I even going to write here?

I understand that most people may give the advice that ‘its not what you write, it’s just that you write’, or something to that effect. And whilst I feel I would give that advice myself, as always, things are easier said/written than done (ironically).

It might help to give some context to the difficulty I’m experiencing. I’m in my late 30’s. Whilst I feel I grew up being very familiar with the internet and technology, I’ve been learning recently that my perspective is based on ignorance. After recent reflection, the extent of my knowledge of the internet and technology could be summarised as: I understand that it exists and use it on a superficial level.
I don’t know how to code, I don’t know how websites work, and honestly, it’s probably only within the last year that I’ve really started to understand what a blog is (I was aware they existed and what they were used for, but that I feel is distinct to understanding what it is).

I have Molly White (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Molly_White_(writer)) to thank for my interest in blogs. A social media post of hers got stuck in my brain and sent me on an exploration spiral that I think was a key contributing factor that has resulted in me writing this. Finding and providing a source for that post is too much work for me right now (it’s overwhelming enough writing this), but the post was something along the lines of: ‘I f**king love blogs’ (not an exact quotation).

I think it’s also important for the context of this to mention the Fediverse and Mastodon. I have been on the Fediverse using Mastodon for over 2 years. My first foray into it was using an anonymised account on a Mastodon owned server. I was considering ways to move away from what was then, Twitter, as even before recent history unfolded (X, Musk (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twitter_under_Elon_Musk)) I was aware of the issues with the platform.
I could not be on Twitter with a personally identifying account. When I used the service I felt so vulnerable to surveillance and tracking. To the degree where I was terrified of actually using it to socialise (again, irony). However, as was the case, it was a useful tool for following news, journalism and almost every business and local authority had an account. For lurking, it was good, but I felt I needed more. I wanted to use social media to actually be, gods forbid, social.

(I’m flagging at this point. Writing my personal thoughts in a public space actually fills me with dread and leaves me overwhelmed. I’m gonna walk away for a bit and come back, 5 mins)

OK, I’m back. Thanks for waiting for me.

So, trying to find ways off Twitter I found that Mastodon was being reported in the news as gaining traction and increasing in numbers. Whilst being tech ignorant, I am tech curious so I decided to follow my (then) usual habit of creating an anonymous account on Mastodon and have a lurk to see what was going on.
What I found there was unexpected. What I expected to find was just another locked in space full of uncomfortable dynamics and more reasons for me to seal myself away from the wider world. What I actually found was what I consider a communication philosophy, no advertising, no algorithms and… no sense of overwhelm (I mention ‘overwhelm’ a lot. I feel I strongly associate with writings on a ‘highly sensitive person’ as per Dr. Elaine Aron (https://hsperson.com/about-dr-elaine-aron/), being overwhelmed is a daily process I have to manage to be functional).

I acknowledge that Mastodon (and all social spaces) has its issues. But specific to my experience, this feeling of openness was new. I had never used a technology platform that actually allowed me to feel.. safe? (I know I’m not safe, safe, please don’t worry about me).

*At this point there was a several month interlude before picking up writing this again.*

Aaand I’m back. For fear of not posting this I’m going to not finish my previous strain of thought and just wrap up.

Blogs seem cool. Owning my own website seems cool. Decentralised systems seem cool. More to come I guess.

Thanks again all for reading, you’re awesome.

Hopefully write again soon.